Our Chaplain Grace, who has recently suffered a bereavement has written this moving Blog piece for Dying Matters Week.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust” was all I could hear in between my stifled sobs as I watched my beloved dad being lowered down to the ground. As he lay dying, I could not hold his hand, as he was laid to rest, I could not give him earth.  For a moment, I thought my world had stopped!  Could this be real?  And in the end, I said, goodbye to him online.

This is the pandemic world of death, marriage and birth where everything is being done online, a virtual reality.  Sometimes, I fool myself into thinking that my dad is still alive but the reality is so painful, it immediately jolts me to the present.  Death is hard whichever way you see it, whether we are in pandemic or not.  Losing a loved one is not easy.  Someone, has rightly said so, that “grief is the price we pay for love”.  As human beings we are tuned to love and to be loved in return.  As humans, we have been blessed with all sorts of emotions and feelings which make us human.  But by far, grief has been the hardest for me, as it has been true for so many.  The world goes dark around you, beneath you and above you.  For the bereaved everything stops, deep pain is almost constant only to be replaced by numbness and dull aches.  Nothing makes sense and tiredness sets in.  Your body goes into a shock and one feels totally lost.  Tears become your constant companion.

Have you suffered loss recently or are you grieving?  Perhaps we should talk about it, cry or even share with others. It helps!!

Death is as real as birth.  Surely, everyone born on earth has to die as this is the natural cycle of life.  And if, it is the natural pattern of life, should it not be easy then, I ask myself? But it is not.  Do we stop loving the person who has died…No.  We want to keep their memory alive.  But where do we draw the line.  Then comes the birthdays and anniversaries which is even harder.

Lets’ help each other.  Lets’ talk about it.  What has helped you?  Who and what have you turned to in your time of grief?

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness.  It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity; the price you pay for love.  The only cure for grief is to grieve.” Rabbi Earl Grollman.

And may I also add, “grief will get better with time, there will be good times ahead, the black veil will lift giving way to clearer, bluer skies, the birds will sing again, there will be a better tomorrow…but for the time being, let me cry for my beloved who has passed on to something more beautiful.  Let me grieve today because I know I will be better tomorrow”.

– Grace Evans, Chaplain at YMCA Burton

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Dying Matters Awareness Week aims to give a chance for organisations, individuals and partners to come together to open up the conversation around dying, death and bereavement.

For more details, visit The Dying Matters website here.

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